Why am I here?
You got a message.
Here's what to do with it.
The person who gave you access to this tool is trusting you with something they're deeply ashamed of. That takes enormous courage. This page is for you.
I'm here because...
You found out about a pornography struggle, or they told you. You're processing what that means for you and for the relationship.
They asked you to be a support person. You want to show up well but you're not sure what that looks like.
You received an email or notification from TryConnection and you're not sure what it means or what to do.
First: your feelings are real and valid.
If you're a partner, you may feel like you're not enough. Like if you were more attractive, more available, more — they wouldn't need this. That feeling is one of the most common and most painful parts of this experience.
Research has documented what partners of people with pornography addiction go through. Many experience symptoms similar to betrayal trauma — real psychological distress, not just hurt feelings.
This is not about you. Pornography addiction is a neurological loop that predates your relationship and has nothing to do with your value, your attractiveness, or your adequacy as a partner. The compulsion is about escape — not comparison.
That doesn't make it hurt less. But it changes what recovery requires — and it changes your role in it.
What they actually need from you
Celebrate when they processed the urge — that's the win.
Sometimes TryConnection will message you not because they fell, but because they sat with the urge and stayed. That message deserves a response just as much — maybe more. "I heard you worked through something hard. I'm proud of you." That reinforces the exact behavior that leads to recovery.
Reach out quickly and simply.
When TryConnection sends you a message, respond within minutes. Not with questions. Not with a speech. Just: "Hey — thinking of you. I'm here." That's it. That simple message can interrupt a relapse cycle.
Ask about feelings, not content.
"How are you feeling?" "What's been hard lately?" — not "Did you look at something?" or "What site was it?" The behavior is a symptom. The root is usually loneliness, stress, anxiety, or disconnection. Go there.
Don't ask for a confession or details.
You don't need to know what they saw. Detailed confessions increase shame — and shame feeds the cycle. If they share, listen. Don't ask for more than they offer.
Don't deliver a verdict in the moment.
Even if you're hurt — and you're allowed to be — the moment they're struggling is not the time for that conversation. In the moment, they need presence. Save the harder conversation for a calm, safe time.
You need support too.
Supporting someone through recovery is emotionally demanding. You can't pour from an empty cup — and trying to will exhaust you and create resentment that damages the relationship.
You are allowed to have your own feelings about this.You're allowed to be hurt, confused, angry, and sad — while still showing up with compassion. Those things are not contradictions.
Consider finding your own support person or therapist who understands betrayal trauma. Groups like S-Anon (for partners of sex addicts) exist specifically for people in your position.
The goal is mutual healing — not just theirs. The most sustainable version of this is one where both of you are getting what you need.
The skill they're learning: urge surfing
One of the core things TryConnection teaches is urge surfing — the ability to feel an urge without following it. Urges peak and pass, usually within 10–20 minutes. The goal isn't to make the urge disappear. It's to stay present long enough for it to pass.
When they reach out to you in a moment of struggle, they're practicing that skill. They're choosing connection over hiding. That is the behavior that leads to recovery — not white-knuckling, not willpower, but reaching out.
Your role isn't to fix it or analyze it. Your role is to be the person they reach for. That's more powerful than you probably realize.
How TryConnection works on your end
You get a message, not a report.
TryConnection never sends you the URL, the site name, or details of what was viewed. It sends a warm message designed to invite connection — not to inform or surveil.
Different messages signal different needs.
A win message: "They processed an urge instead of acting on it. Let them know you noticed." A check-in message: "They might need you tonight. A quick text goes a long way." An urgent message: "They're really struggling. Reach out soon — just to connect."
Hard-blocked sites require your code.
For sites they've pre-blocked, they need a 6-digit code from you to get through. That's not about control — it's about creating a moment of human contact exactly when it matters most.
You showing up matters more than you know.
A single “I'm here” text can interrupt a relapse cycle. You don't have to have the perfect words. You just have to reach out.