The science
This isn't a philosophy.
It's what the research shows.
Every design decision in TryConnection is grounded in the research on shame, addiction, recovery, and human connection.
Shame drives the addiction, not the recovery
“Shame is the most consistent key driver of unwanted sexual behavior.”
— Jay Stringer, researcher and author of Unwanted
Research consistently shows that shame — the feeling of “I am the mistake” rather than “I made a mistake” — activates threat and stress pathways in the brain. To cope with that distress, the brain seeks relief in the most familiar pathway available. For people with pornography addiction, that pathway leads back to pornography.
This is why surveillance and reporting tools, despite their good intentions, often make recovery harder. Every report, every confrontation, every digital record adds to shame — and shame feeds the cycle.
Brené Brown's foundational research on shame identifies three ingredients it requires to survive: secrecy, silence, and judgment. Most accountability tools provide all three.
Connection is the active ingredient in recovery
A landmark study on addiction recovery found that clients with positive relationships post-treatment were significantly less likely to relapse. Specifically: clients who lacked positive relationships in the post-treatment period relapsed at 3.5× the rate of those who maintained strong support networks.
Multiple studies from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) confirm that social support — particularly accountability relationships, sponsors, and intimate partnerships — is one of the strongest predictors of sustained recovery across addiction types.
The mechanism is neurological: meaningful human connection activates oxytocin and reduces cortisol (stress hormone) levels. This directly counters the stress and isolation that drives compulsive behavior.
“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is connection.”
— Johann Hari, author of Chasing the Scream, drawing on decades of addiction research
Partners experience real trauma — not just hurt feelings
In 2005, Dr. Kevin Skinner co-authored the Trauma Inventory for Partners of Sex Addicts (TIPSA). The research revealed that many partners of people struggling with pornography addiction exhibit symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder.
One of the most consistent findings: partners frequently believe the addiction reflects on their own inadequacy — that they are “not enough.” This belief is both extremely common and factually incorrect. Pornography addiction is about escape and neurological conditioning, not comparison or preference.
Partners who receive accurate information about the nature of addiction, and who have their own support structures, show significantly better wellbeing outcomes — and are better equipped to provide the kind of non-shaming support that actually aids recovery.
This is why TryConnection is built for both people. The support person's healing is not separate from the recovery — it's part of it.
Why TryConnection doesn't slow your internet
Tools like Canopy, Net Nanny, and Covenant Eyes work by routing your internet traffic through a VPN or proxy server that inspects every request. Every page you load goes: your device → their server → the internet → back through their server → your device.
This adds latency to every request, slows page loads, and creates a constant awareness that you're being watched — which can itself increase shame and avoidance behavior.
TryConnection takes a fundamentally different approach. It runs as a browser extension that reads behavioral signals from the pages you visit — without intercepting or rerouting your network traffic. Your internet connection is completely untouched.
This also means Connection can detect drift on sites that URL-based filters miss entirely — like AI image platforms, mixed-content communities, and sites that appear innocuous at the domain level but host explicit material.
Sources
Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
Hari, J. (2015). Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs.
Skinner, K. B. (2005). Treating Pornography Addiction. GrowthClimate, Inc.
Tracy, J.L. & Robins, R.W. (2006). The psychological structure of pride. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
PMC Study: The Importance of Social Support in Recovery Populations (PMC10259869)
PMC Study: Effects of social support and 12-Step involvement on recovery (PMC6803054)
PMC Study: The shame spiral of addiction (PMC8932605)
PubMed: Managing shame and guilt in addiction: A pathway to recovery (PMID 33957551)
Built on evidence. Designed with compassion.
Free to start. Behavioral monitoring, without the shame-based reporting.